There have been several candid blog posts lately about life after publication that if you haven’t seen yet are worth reading:
Elana Johnson :: The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth
Jody Hedlund :: The Inevitable Identity Crisis That Happens After Publication
Tareah Mafi: On Being a Real Writer
After you read, please come back and comment! I’d love to hear what you have to say.
It’s an interesting phenomenon that happens to writers after they become published. I felt the same thing after my book showed up on the Kindle. I was overwhelmed with how many books were bought, yet down-hearted that it wasn’t enough. But what did I expect? I would sell a million copies overnight, that one of the agents who rejected me would call and say, “oh yes, I was so foolish to let you go, let me offer you a contract now”, that I would become the next overnight sensation because I had finally self-published this “thing” that’s I’d been working on for two years.
I know there are differences between indie authors and traditional authors, but the feelings are basically the same. I take from Elana, lost and alone.
I put my book out there and waited for the accolades, the kudo’s the press, and nothing.
After three months of watching and waiting for the “big break”, I realized, there’s nothing any different about being a writer than there is about being a chef, or a cab driver, or a doctor, lawyer, Indian chief. When the next day dawns, you put on your pants, brush your teeth and go to work.
The expectations that life is going to change in some dramatic way are fed to us, by us, in where we read about the debut author snagging that million dollar movie deal. We want it to be us. We want the awards, the fame, the hype, but when it doesn’t come (to most of us) we’re left feeling out of sorts in our own skin, and wonder who it was that lied to us, who told us this was the way life was going to be when you get published. And we find it was only ourselves listening to our own green eyed montsers.
I’ve found through these last three months is to just let it go, and get on with what I do best. Pen my stories and catch up with the laundry. What else is there really?
Anne, thank you for this. I had no idea you had a book out! There is a great escape in getting back to the regular grind.
As for a debut with a big splash, it’s interesting to read Tareah’s post. She got the deal so many dream of, yet her experience also speaks to some of the very same feelings.
It’s all so interesting…
wow! Tareah’s post stilled the room around me. Loved this, thanks.
I read Tahera’s a couple days ago and besides being her normally adorable self, I could definitely see what she is saying. If my books ever see the shelves, I know it will be SO HARD to either avoid or bear the negative reviews and no what and when and where to speak online. All of this is so tricky to handle. I constantly feel like I’m walking a tight-rope and I don’t even have a book on the shelf yet!
I had read Elana’s post when it came out and gosh, it threw me. I think I’ve been a little depressed ever since. You mean one doesn’t feel on top of the world forever after they get a book published?
I guess I’m still in the giddy I’m-Getting-Published stage, but lately I’ve been having this ridiculous anxiety, worrying about when something will go wrong, because everyone keeps telling me that something WILL go wrong. So far everything has been just wonderful, from the time I started writing my book, to the present stage of editing with my editor. Not do say that there haven’t been difficult moments, but really I didn’t have too many set-backs in the process.
I’m not expecting huge things, and perhaps that is a reason why things have been so great, but I feel an explosion is inevitable. Somewhere down the line something will slap me in the face, whether it’s a bad review or lack of sales or writer’s block, and so I’m having a hard time focusing on the good in my midst and not worrying about what might go wrong. I’m bracing myself, waiting for the blow.
It’s ridiculous and I think I need therapy.
Liesl, around here in Albuquerque, we have drainage ditches called arroyos. Though we’re in a desert, when a flash flood comes, they fill quickly, especially with run-off from the mountains, and can become gushing rivers in minutes.
When we moved back to town, my parents, my husband’s parents, and my husband and I all told my boys about how dangerous arroyos were, how they were never, ever, ever to go in them.
I’m saying all this because I think we can sometimes over prepare people for certain things. While it’s wise to stay out of an arroyo, if your ball rolls in and you’re old enough and wise enough to sense the weather is okay, go get it! It’s the same with publication. Because there are surprises and challenges that can play into the process, I think we sometimes misspeak about the inevitability of difficulty. It’s not fair and isn’t entirely true.
What is helpful is to have a place to go and talk about things when you need an ear (like the future 2k13, right? :). And I’m always here, too.
I think anything you dream about hard enough is bound to be different than you think. For nearly a year after publishing I was practically paralyzed in my writing. I wrote, I threw away, I wrote more, I trashed, I stared at blank screens for hours.
I was supposed to be on top of the world, right?
I blamed it on the fact that I went a little less conventionally. By choosing to go with a publisher without an agent, I didn’t feel like I’d beaten the system… I felt like I veered off the accepted path. And that made me feel lesser of an author.
I’m stunned still when people know me, have read my book. I ran into someone in a bar 3,000 miles from home who knew who I was, who I had no idea who they were, who had read and loved my book. That never, ever gets old. I get emails from readers. I run into people at dinner parties who want to discuss my book in book club format. There are really, really great things about being a writer.
But it’s true, too, that the day after your book hits shelves, you are still you. I don’t feel different. I feel like I hit one milestone of many that I’ve set out to conquer in life, with more left to go. But I’m still the same person, no matter how many emails I get.
I think I chose to go back to school for this very reason, though. I felt lost. Unsure of my next steps. In need of something to light a fire under me again. And it has. I’ve shaken off most of the post-pub blues, and I’m excited about the possibilities ahead. Not just of publication, but of life. Of what I can do beyond writing novels.
Maybe in the end, I still see myself as a mom and wife before anything else. That is my real job. Everything else is icing on the cake.
Heidi,
This is beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks Caroline. That’s a perfect analogy!
I read all of these fascinating blog pieces and all I can say is, Amen, Amen, and Amen. Publishing is a *weird* beast. Satisfying in many ways, but strange and peculiar in so many others. And you realize that you’re still just the same, ordinary person you were before – only with even *more* angst as you try to navigate editorial work and marketing and publicity and speaking events! And try not to go crazy over reviews and sales. LOL. 😉