I’ve written before about the comparison game here and here, how easy it is to get caught up in holding one author’s work to our own and feeling inadequate (or superior) as a result. But lately I’ve been thinking about another type of comparison as I’ve worked through the most productive year I’ve ever had — the kind that compares another author’s output to my own. And once again, it would be very easy to find myself lacking.
My writing life has ebbed and flowed since 1998. But whether I’ve been teaching, on summer vacation, at home with young children, back in the classroom, or back home again with my boys in school, I’ve never been able (or wanted to) write from morning till night. I just don’t function that way. And yet. Knowing others work more than I do means it’s not a very long before I see what I do as somehow not enough.
 |
| Writing back in the old days |
When my boys were little, I aimed for three writing days a week. Sometimes those sessions were ten minutes long. Other times, when I had a babysitter, I got in a solid hour and a half. There are authors with little ones who produce book after book, who are able to balance the parenting and writing with (what appears to be) more ease than I. Kiersten White is one of those superstar moms who writes like the wind. I mean, look at those books she’s written with three little ones at home. Amazing!
Since debuting in 2012, I’ve been fortunate enough to sell three more books. Please know I’m aware how much of a gift this is. I have incredibly talented friends who have yet to make a second sale. But I know others who have already released five, six, seven books since our early days. Victoria Schwab is one of those rare talents who writes for both the young adult and adult market. Look at all the books she’s produced in just a few short years.
It’s a slippery slope for me, having access to so much information. Comparing my experience with the sliver of other lives I’m seeing.
The Internet allows us to glimpse others’ writing in a way no other generation of authors ever has before. And while it can be encouraging and inspiring, it can be destructive, too. The thing is next year might not be as productive as this year was for me. And what will I do with that? I know it would be far too easy to see the authors who continue to write “with ease”* and find success as the ones who are doing it right. It would mean my process is flawed and broken.
But the more I live this life, the more I’m coming to see creativity doesn’t work this way.
So here’s what I’m telling myself. And if it benefits you, I hope you’ll listen in:
I’m allowed to be in awe of those who work differently than I do. But I can’t let their style and success spell defeat for me. What they’re doing has nothing to do with what I’m doing. Their efforts don’t reflect poorly on mine. Some years will be more productive than others. It’s not about talent or skill. Not better or worse, just different.
Whatever life phase, writing phase, creative phase I’m in, I want to be fully in it. Learn it, embrace it, love it. Do it. I want to use it in the best way I’m able and learn to let go of the rest.
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ― Bruce Lee
*And here’s the thing: while I know Kiersten and Victoria have had a lot of success, I’ve also read blog posts where both of them have shared writing can be very, very hard. My gut reaction to their experiences is skewed…and unfair to all of us.
Thank you for this, Caroline. I’ve been feeling soooo slow, lately. So far behind the rest of . . . what? My peer group? I guess that’s what you’d call it. Your thoughts really help. I try to remind myself that some of my favorite authors, like Jeanne Birdsall and Franny Billingsley, have no more than one book out every three years, and no one would call them slackers.
Exactly. I’m kind of glad I’ve got time between May and the next books. Some time to grow, reflect, and let go, I hope.
I struggle with this as well. Especially with the rise in self-publishing, where so many authors no longer even need to work with the publisher’s drawn-out schedule, I see others completely four or more books a year, and selling well. It frustrates me when they say you HAVE to do that now or you lose your audience. I will never be able to write four good books a year. But I’m learning not to judge myself and my own success in life on how many books I write, or how many I even sell. I have a lot of things I do, being a wife and mom and child of God included, that are more important. I write because I love it, but comparison is the thief of joy.
“I have a lot of things I do, being a wife and mom and child of God included, that are more important. I write because I love it, but comparison is the thief of joy.”
You said it all, Heidi.
Yes. To all the above. Thank you, Caroline for posting. Xx
This is such a fantastic post, Caroline, and it’s true of all types of writers, I think, even unagented nobodies like myself. There’s always that feeling of competition (I NEED to get an agent, how come she did? I NEED to get a book deal, how come he did?) and sometimes it’s impossible to squash down. But I recently went to a writer talk where the author addressed this, and told us aspiring writers not to revel or wallow when it comes to other people, because their failures and successes take nothing away from us. Everyone’s got their own pace. That’s something I’ll try to keep in mind as I go!
YOU are not an agented nobody. You are a beautiful you. I love agent Holly Root’s advice: Eyes on your own paper. It’s something I’d like to practice more myself.
Beautiful. Wise. A great reminder for all of us!
Said my own personal sage. 😉
I struggle with this ALL the time. And like you, I am in awe of Victoria and Kirsten! I wish I had come back to writing sooner. I wish I had more time to write. I wish writing came more easily to me. I wish I could let go of self-doubt. I wish SO many things… But I also know that we ALL go through this. I got to have lunch with one of my writing heroes, Libba Bray, because we were talking about the post she wrote about never feeling like she has mastered how to write a book. I happen to be a big fan of yours, so I love your determination to be in the writing moment. I am going to have to put that in my stack of encouraging notes that I keep beside my computer!
Thank you for this post, Caroline! 🙂
I’m not sure if I’m thinking of the same post, but Libba shared something maybe six months ago that was such a relief for me to read. And a gift.
And here’s a little secret, I’ve always wondered how does that Martina do it all? Your blog is so incredible. So looking forward to your books.
As a mother of two girls and working full time and pursuing my teacher’s degree I too find myself thinking about how I can balance my writing, I am still editing my first YA novel and since 2009 written five other books one of which is an adult. In my early stage my struggle is stressing if I would ever get an agent or published I had to let go of that because I told myself its not in my control all I am in control is learning the craft improve in the area’s of writing that is hard for me and see what happens when I resume querying. I am not sure but sometimes I think its the market more YA is being made into movies so that sort of adds more stress and understandable some authors may compare and wish their books would be made it movies, therefore I think one has to truly love writing and not worry about the other stuff if it happens it would be amazing if not appreciate the blessings that come and remembering the main blessing the love of writing.
What a good reminder. Each writer can only do what they do best and the way they do it, not the way someone else does. But we do need these reminders!
Such deeply honest words, Caroline! I have to be reminded constantly that it’s all relative. I’m impressed with what you’ve accomplished. But we each have our own journey and it’s unique. You’re absolutely right about embracing it.
Having written seriously (i.e. nearly every day) for six years and still sitting here without a book contract or an agent, I do tend to wonder how other authors managed. And “ebb and flow” describes perfectly how my writing went when my kids were little. In other words, I didn’t stick with it every day or even every week back then. So of course I often wonder what would have happened if I had.
I love the discussion that is happening here. There truly is no right (or easy) way, is there?
I love this post, Caroline, for several reasons. The first is that, believe it or not, I understand. I feel like at one small point I got ahead (I had a book turned down, and a long window between my first and second, so I wrote something new in between) and then, because of the way things shook out, had to stay ahead, when I’m in fact a very slow writer. I struggle with comparison, and the idea of how “easily” it comes to others, and how easily it seems to come to me (my agent and editors are constantly saying, “but you can easily do this/manage this load/etc” when in fact, I’m stretched thin.
I constantly struggle with the fact that the quantity of work I put in never, ever feels like enough. I work all day, and half the night, and still miss deadlines. I feel guilty for every moment I’m not actively typing, and wish I could take more time to be a human and engage with those I care about, and find new people to care about. It feels like a loss as many days as it feels like a gain.
This is what I so admire about you (and about Kiersten, too). You work so, so diligently, have produced such a broad range of books, and you’re quick to be real about how much work it is. AND you’re awed and grateful this is your world. Really, you have been such an example to me. Thank you for your candid response here and the grace with which you conduct yourself in general.
It has been so interesting for me to intentionally think about the thoughts under my thoughts, to pull them out and examine them and realize I’m not a fan of what they say about me, that they don’t serve me or others in any constructive way but are actually unfair, unflattering, and unhelpful.
Here’s to embracing where we all are, for the privilege of work and for time to rest. xo
Thanks for this. I appreciate your reminder to live in the present- *my* present, in particular.
Someone above said “comparison is the thief of joy.” I love that. We are all on our own journeys and though it IS hard not to make comparisons, I am thankful I get to do what I love (albeit in fits-and-starts and sloooowwwwly.)
I struggle with this too…
I try to remember that you can do anything, just not all at the same time 🙂 Time spent with family or just allowing myself to think is important too.
My goodness, I love this post. It’s exactly what I needed to hear right now, too, so thank you. I’ve always compared my output with others, my sales with others, even my quality with others — which really is not something that can be compared. Like you say, it’s all skewed.